Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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