Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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