There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
