my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize