Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
