i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You are the jesus of drinking
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
