I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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