That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's on the porch naked. Help.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
