Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
