I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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