Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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