i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
