Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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