Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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