you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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