she pinky promised me she was 18
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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