things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
