Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
