i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
