11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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