I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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