Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
