if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
