i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
