Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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