M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
