it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
