yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
