OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
