I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
