so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
