Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
