I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
