Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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