So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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