I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
