Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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