so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
