I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize