i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
