I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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