Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
