I love black thongs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
