i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
