I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
