And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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