and you said cock pushups were impossible
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize