4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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