i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
