before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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