Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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