It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the condom got lost in my hair
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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