Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
