Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
