A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
