Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
