What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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