Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
