hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
