Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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