so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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