Christians are straight up FREAKS
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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