i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
