Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
