Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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