It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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