Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
