your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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