My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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